Flying Checklist

I don't need much when I fly, just my Ipod, and an interesting book. I do, however, have one request. I do not want to sit next to the "I'm afraid to fly person" anymore. Yesterday, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a girl who cried during take-off, retrieved the vomit bag several times in flight, and shook the entire time. I considered telling her that I thought she was being irrational, and if she is having this much trouble on an hour and fifteen minute flight, she may want to consider driving next time. I thought about explaining to her that her current outlook on things was really cutting into my reading time, and how hard it was to relax with the constant fear of being vomited on in the forefront of my mind. I reconsidered, and was content that I was not cleaning puke off of myself thirty thousand feet in the air...

It's not the first time I've sat next to this type of flyer. Last time I flew into Fort Myers, I sat next to the biker version of curly from the three stooges, with a thick, nasally Rhode Island accent. Instead of keeping his anxieties to himself, he decided to project them onto me. "This guys fekkin' scared", he repeated to anyone who would listen, including the flight attendant. "He needs a fekkin' drink". It should be noted that I was reading, listening to music and attempting to mind my own business, while his legs shook. After taking my headphones out, and reassuring him that I was, in fact, okay, he responded by telling me to keep my headphones in, if it calmed me down. Unfortunately, my attempt to reassure him opened the door for conversation. I was told about the harley he had just bought, having sex on a harley while riding (a claim I find dubious, especially considering the source), and how much living in Buffalo must suck (oddly enough, for me). I was also shown several tattoos I never wanted to see. Thankfully, it was a short flight, and we went our separate ways (I made the mistake of telling him my brother was a deputy sheriff in Ft Myers. Our parting words: Him - "make sure your brother knows who I am, in case I get in trouble", Me - "Ummm, okay").

I enjoy flying, I really do. It's time when I am not on-call, I can't answer text messages, and I'm not being distracted by the internet. I can concentrate, and relax. I'd rather not deal with my fellow citizens irrational fears and anxieties. Is this too much to ask?